she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
