I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I would ride that face into the sunset
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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