I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
