You're earring is so big in my mouth
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
