Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When are your genitals available?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
