So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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