He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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