wakey wakey hands off snakey
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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