I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
