You smell like stripper and shame
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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