I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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