Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
