you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
