took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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