after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Everything about him screamed your future.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
