I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Drunk is not a location!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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