my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
