STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
