i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
