So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Randomize
