bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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