as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
