Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
