so explain again why im purple
no
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I intend to get homeless drunk
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I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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