We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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