You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
