yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
