you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
