I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
