were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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