i think my mom watched the whole time
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
