did you get engaged???
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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