using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
