the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
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Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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