i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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