How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
