i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
