Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
