I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
