I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
