I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
