i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
