it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
