The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
