So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
