so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
