My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
