My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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