the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
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