I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
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I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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