I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
