four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
