One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
