He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
