We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
