Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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