hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
