Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
one might say we're banned from that church
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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