why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
