He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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