eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
