you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All the doctor said was why
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
