You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
