Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
