it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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