he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
