I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
