He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
