The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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