My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
