hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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