Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
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This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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