You just made me feel so damn special
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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