A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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