just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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