my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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