youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
