If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
