there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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