Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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